He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
