hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
