Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
