I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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