I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
