I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
