They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
