Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
3 2 1 whiskey
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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