You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Randomize
