At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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