dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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