Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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