Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
