Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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