well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
