His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
