i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
