You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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