As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
