How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
