It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
