You smell like stripper and shame
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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