Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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