Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm getting married
To pizza
you never un-have a 4some
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
