Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
