My first STD was from a foam party
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
bring money and cleavage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize