Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
