happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
