I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
