I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
