whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
