I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
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