there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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