It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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