just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
