it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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