This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
