The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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