I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
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whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize