you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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