tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
