We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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