I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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