those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
