I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Randomize
