And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
