We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
