theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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