so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
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