Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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