Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
