So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
