I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
