wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
