just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
