You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
