is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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