Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
