i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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