Pappa wants mamma naked
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
