you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
