i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I have surprise drugs for everyone
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
