Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
