I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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