Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
No subtext here. People are naked.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
