Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
