why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
