so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
