bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
