We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
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