There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
