Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
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