Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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