So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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