When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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