Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Randomize
