I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
After tacos, we're chasing women.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
