Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
