I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
